If you are considering getting a divorce, you should know you are not alone. In the United States, there is a divorce just about every 36 seconds. That equals 2,400 divorces every day or 16,800 divorces every week and 876,000 divorces every year. While you may want to get advice from a good divorce lawyer, you will need more than an aggressive attorney to get through this rough time and stressful experience.
- Find a good divorce attorney. You may think you need an aggressive attorney but the better thing is for you to find a lawyer you can trust and who will work on your behalf. You can talk to your friends and family to try to find a good family lawyer who has experience working on cases like yours. You will need a lawyer that you can confide in. You will have to tell this person some very private things and if you cannot do that, you need to go to a different lawyer.
- Go in knowing that no one wins in a divorce. When two people divorce, some have the idea that it is all about getting an aggressive attorney to fight vigorously on your behalf and to beat the other side to a bloody pulp. This is not a good way to start any kinds of divorce proceedings. You may be angry and you may have every right to be but going in ready to do battle will just make the process more painful for everyone.
- Do not blame yourself. No matter what the situation is, and they are all completely different and unique, you did not cause your divorce. You are not the cause of your divorce. By the same token, you are also not a failure. Many people who go through a divorce feel like they are but it just is not the case. People change over time and their needs change along with them. Mexico City saw so many divorces that occurred at the two year mark that they were looking into creating a marriage license that only lasted two years. People who wanted to stay married would have to reapply. Never think that because your relationship did not work out that you have failed anyone.
- If you have children, do not say bad things about your soon to be ex-spouse to them. This process is going to be hard enough on your children. You should make sure your aggressive attorney is well versed in dealing with child custody and child support. You also might want to look into counseling for them. As much as you will tell them that the divorce is not their fault, their lives are going to change and it can be a scary and stressful experience. This is one reason to try to stay on amicable terms with your spouse. It will not help the kids to see the two of you fighting.
- Do not be upset with people who take the other person’s side. While no one is really privy to what goes on between two people who are married, each of you had friends before you got together and it is only natural for your spouse’s friends to be loyal to them. This is a hard experience for them as well. No one wants to go through a divorce and as much bad blood there may be between you two, at one point, you were in love. They may not be showing it but your spouse is hurting, too.
- Do not isolate yourself from the people who love you. This is a hard process and you will need your support network more than ever. It is much too easy to hide yourself away and not talk to anyone. People tend to become hermits when they are upset about something. It is ok to take some time to think and get your head together but do not let yourself spend too much time by yourself.
Weddings are such happy occasions. Couples go into marriages with nothing but hope for the future. No one thinks their marriage will end in divorce but many do. Take care of yourself and you will make it through the process.
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